Three Ways Well-meaning Parents Heap Unhealthy Pressure on their Kids

Some argue that the perspective on achievement, especially in the context of college admissions, needs reconsideration. As early decision notifications are released, it's crucial to highlight a more effective approach to inspire young individuals to reach their full potential.

As the season unfolds, with early decision acceptances preceding regular decisions, the pressure on students intensifies, given the low admission rates at selective institutions. While academic performance remains a practical aspect of admissions, the undue emphasis on quantifiable metrics like grades and test scores can be alleviated.

Students who have invested years of hard work face the anxiety of whether their dedication will culminate in acceptance to their preferred schools. The elation and affirmation for those who receive positive responses are profound, almost parallel to the disappointment experienced by the majority who receive rejections. The common challenge faced by both groups stems from a trio of societal issues: narrow definitions of success, high-stakes beliefs, and excessive parental involvement, contributing to elevated rates of adolescent anxiety and depression.

Although pressure on young people extends beyond the college admissions process, this period offers an opportune moment for intervention. Parents, teachers, coaches, and caregivers bear an ethical responsibility to mitigate the unhealthy pressure affecting formal education. Research conducted in preparation for the book "The Unlikely Art of Parental Pressure" suggests practical methods for adults to transform harmful pressure into a constructive force, enabling children to be their best selves.

Firstly, a redefinition of success is necessary without compromising standards. The emphasis should shift from the reputation of the institution to the actions and achievements of the student during their college career. Employers recognize the talent within diverse educational backgrounds, highlighting the importance of individual capabilities over institutional prestige.

To dispel the notion that success is confined to a select list of renowned colleges, the focus should be redirected towards learning, creativity, service, and personal well-being. Conversations with students should explore various higher learning options, including self-guided study, travel, and apprenticeships, helping them identify their intellectual passions, character strengths, and ideas for positive contributions.

Secondly, portraying college admissions as an ultra-high-stakes endeavor should be avoided. Exaggerating the significance of a specific outcome contributes to heightened anxiety and diminished mental health. Advocating for the importance of sustained effort over time and discussing the concept of fit in selecting colleges based on personal interests and abilities are more constructive approaches.

Lastly, preventing excessive parental involvement that places undue pressure on young people is essential. Parents should refrain from linking their happiness, social status, or self-esteem to their children's achievements. Instead, the focus should be on expressing pride in the sustained effort invested by their children and communicating a broader definition of a successful life, emphasizing character strengths that endure beyond admission decisions.

In the coming weeks, as students await responses from colleges, it is an opportune time for parents to communicate with their children in a manner that alleviates unhealthy pressure. Acknowledging their multiyear efforts, describing success in realistic terms, and emphasizing unconditional love can positively impact their well-being. Ultimately, it's the individual's name, not the institution's, that holds true significance.